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The idea that true happiness can be found only with someone else is a myth. Wherever you go in life, there are some aims and desires we are all expected to share: get a job, advance our careers, meet our perfect partner, have a family, own our own home, have grandchildren and so on. Wherever you go, you see allusions to this progression, but it is largely a myth perpetuated by culture, culture masked as religion, marketing and the media.

In my opinion, marriage is not the end all and be all of life. I believe that marriage is simply a segment of life that some of us experience if and when we find romantic, sustainable, enduring love with another person. Sadly, many people feel that their life is not complete if they don’t find that special person…

When did being single become such a disease?

Isn’t it better to be single and wait for the right partner than be in a lonely relationship? It is time you change your perspective and view being single as an opportunity. Don’t take the blessings you do have for granted –

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What are the opportunities of being single?

(1)Self-development:

You are free to develop yourself in any direction you choose.  If you want to learn to fly an aeroplane, pursue studies in anything, or take dancing classes, you don’t need to explain yourself to a partner or get their support You can sign up for online classes or take courses at a local university.  No one will be standing over your shoulder asking, “What about me?”

(2) You can design your own schedule (flexibility):

You only have to consult yourself about working late, going to the gym, getting together with friends, or visiting that art exhibit that caught your eye. If you decide to throw a last minute get-together with friends, you don’t have to worry about inconveniencing your partner or encroaching on his/her space. Don’t underestimate the value of this flexibility.

(3)There is little need for negotiation:

Did you ever consider the blessings inherent in being able to do things at your own pace? You can let the laundry pile up as long as you wish – or never let it pile up (no one will be working against you on this one), eat “eba” for breakfast or cereal for dinner.

(4)Your living space is yours alone:

You can paint, wallpaper, decorate and arrange your living space exactly the way you want it. If you decide to change it next week, you can do so without consulting anyone.  You can play your favourite tunes at home, be they classical, jazz, rock and roll, blues, hip-hop, Afro beats or hard rock. It is your space – you make the rules as you go along.

(5) In-laws are a non-issue:

Embracing a second family isn’t always the easiest proposition and generally requires tremendous patience and understanding.  Our culture does not help as well… the in-laws normally dictate the tone of the marriage, they interfere a lot …  It is great that at least for now, this is a non-issue.  It can be difficult enough to iron out problems with your own family,  talk less someone else’s!

(6)Holidays and travel plans are your call: 

Do you have special holiday rituals that you look forward to each year?  As a single person you can continue to enjoy them, at each and every holiday.  Is it your dream to travel round the world, engage in a lot of adventurous trips… This might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you are free to plan the trip for whenever, stay where you like,  sun bathe, or shop till you drop. The possibilities are endless, and the choice is yours and yours alone.

(7)Less drama, less headache:

You are not constantly arguing and thinking whether the person called or text you back, you save so much money as you do not need to buy gifts to impress your partner.

(8)You are free to mingle:

You can mix up easily with people have more male or female friends with no fear of someone getting jealous and throwing tantrums or the feeling that you are cheating on your partner. Here you get to network better and even build lasting relationships.

Self-discovery:

You find out who you really are? Most of my  posts are on self-discovery feel free to read them on the blog under the category “Radio show topics“.  Being single is a perfect time to take inventory of your actions, thoughts and behaviours. As a single person you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself, love and accept yourself …. Fulfilment Should Come From Within

Life is about what makes you happy, not what would make your parents, friends and the general public pleased. Being content is in no way defined; each person must find his or her own happiness, which will not always align with the world’s expectations.

Food for thought

Being single can be so much fun, you don’t have to get depressed about it. You must learn to love yourself first of all. Know this, relationship doesn’t define you. Single is not a status, it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live life without having to depend on someone else.

In as much as you want to feel loved and wanted, do not rush into a relationship because you are bored or lonely but because you want to.

Next week I will discuss the effects of seeing “single” status as a “disease”

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