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part 1 I discussed  “how you say it” meaning your voice tone.  A brief recap ….The same words spoken through clenched teeth in anger offer an entirely different message than when they are shouted with joy or whispered in fear.  A level, well-modulated, conversational statement is convincing without being intimidating. A whispered monotone will seldom convince another person that you mean business, while a shouted epithet will likely bring on defensiveness. Listen to your tone (is it raspy, whiny, seductively soft, confident, fearful, shows strength, assuring, boring, angry?), your inflection (do you emphasize certain syllables, as in a question, or speak in a monotone, or with “sing‑song”


 How  do we improve our voice tone?

(1)Voice inflections — When speaking and thinking about the key points you want to emphasis, make sure the inflections of your voice do just that. Inflection alone can change the meaning of a sentence. Do your inflections have patterns? Some people use a questioning tone that suggests they lack confidence in what they are saying.

(2)Pitch of your voice – check your voice pitch- make sure your voice goes up and down at the right time…

(3)Accent – check your accent, is it very strong that people find too hard to understand you and become bias, they might end up misinterpreting you

(4)You’re breathing and swallowing — Do you seem nervous based on how you are breathing? Take a deep breath and slow your pace down. Especially when speaking in a job interview.

 (5)Take a break: check your mood if you are angry and the message is not urgent take a breather before actually saying what you want to say you can go for a run, a walk, do something else and a lot of self-talk to calm yourself down, once you are able to calm down it is easier to talk to the person with a smile on your face.. if the talk is urgent try cracking a joke to lighten the situation the chances is that you might be able to improve…

(6)Do mental practices run.  Visualize yourself saying what it is you want to say, and visualize yourself delivering the message with love and compassion.  Keep at it until you look and sound happy in your mind.

(7)Remind yourself of this important fact. Compassion breeds compassion. Surliness breeds surliness. Most of us resort to a surly tone of voice out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of failure, you name it. Yet, it’s the surliness that will bring about all of the things that we most fear. Only the compassion will get us to our happy place.

(8) Tired and frustrated:  It’s easy to give people ‘ a bad tone’ when we’re tired and frustrated. Try to avoid difficult conversations when you’re tired or stressed. Wait to have important conversations until you know you can manage yourself and your tone.


Practice the following statements.  Each sentence is said twice, once in a firm or harsher tone and once in a friendly tone.  See if you can hear and feel the difference between the two tones, both when you hear them and when you say them.   Listen Now.

  1. Good morning, how are you doing today?
  2. I like the idea you had in today’s meeting.
  3. You did a really good job on that project.
  4. I’d like to talk to you for a minute, if this is a good time.

When we speak, our listeners get an impression of how we feel from our tone of voice. We can sound pleasant and friendly, angry and upset, or irritated and frustrated.

It is not enough to just say the right words; we also need to be cautious about the tone we use, so that we convey our message effectively.  How do you want to be perceived? Do you let your underlying emotions interfere in your daily conversations with others? If you do, then you may be sending the wrong messages!