For the past two weeks we have been discussing whether our culture encourages narcissism , we started with the definition, traits of a narcissist and causes, part 3 of this series will deal with the effects of these narcissistic tendencies  in our daily lives.

Brief recap on definition and traits Narcissism goes by other names: “arrogance, conceit, vanity, grandiosity, and self-centeredness. In extreme”    People with Narcissistic tendencies see themselves as fundamentally superior – they are (in their minds) special, unique, entitled, a false sense of self and so on.

 The effects of narcissism 

(1) The  narcissist:

Their attention to themselves makes it unlikely that they will generate close, warm, loving relationships. Narcissism causes impatience, anxiety and anger in the sufferer and will often lead to abusive and dysfunctional relationships, loneliness, temper tantrums and provoking behaviour leading to violence and domestic violence and murder, pornography and sexual fantasy addiction, alcohol and drug addiction, adultery, bankruptcy, divorce, child abuse, nervous breakdown and despair.

 (2) Relationships

Narcissists’, constantly seeking attention and approval puts them in the precarious position of always needing something from somebody else. As they believe that they are right and others are wrong, they rarely admit to faults in themselves. They can verbally abuse and punish their spouses and children without seeing the pain that they cause as they believe that the person deserves they abuse they dish out. They may try to enlist a child to side with them and turn against the other parent

The narcissist unhealthy and abusive behaviour can turn them into tyrants this can eventually lead to divorce, domestic violence. Partners and family of narcissists are often affected by eroded self-confidence and self-esteem, anxiety, agoraphobia, overwhelming resentment, guilt and shame.

 (3) Children of narcissistic parents

The overall quality and strength of the bond between the narcissistic parent and young child is poor and weak. Deep down, the child doesn’t feel consistently loved, as the child is taught the metaphoric Narcissistic Parenting Program: You’re only as good as I say you are, and you’ll be loved only if you’re fully compliant with my wishes. Simply put, it’s truly heart-breaking for the child – though the narcissistic parent is sinfully oblivious.

The truth is, narcissistic parents don’t have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances. Understand this: Control over someone else is the ultimate jackpot every narcissist works so hard to win.

Young children of narcissists learn early in life that everything they do is a reflection on the parent to the point that the child must fit into the personality and behavioural mould intended for them. These children bear tremendous anxiety from a young age as they must continually push aside their own personality in order to please the parent and provide the mirror image the parent so desperately needs.

(4) Pulpits

When narcissistic people are placed in positions of leadership in a church or missionary organization it leads to brain washing and manipulation in the churches…Many churches have been fractured or lost many fine members because of a narcissistic leader. Remember they need to have everyone under his or her control.  They need to subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) take credit for everything positive that is happening in a church or team. They can’t stand seeing anyone else getting credit or being in the lime light—unless they put them there and can share in the reflected admiration. Even answered prayers… they ask in quote “need to appreciate God” meaning they need to be credited for the prayers they did on your behalf….

(5) The office

Narcissists can be very disruptive and are poor team members; they seldom collaborate with others without being quarrelsome. They are control freaks and feel the compulsive urge to interfere and micromanage everything as well as overrule others. They tend to be bullies and often result to verbal or emotional abuse.  A narcissist has no empathy with regards to co-workers… they only need their co-workers and subordinates as a source or adulation and admiration as well as someone that can be used for potential benefits….( take credit for work and so on).    It can lead to poor productivity, loss of team spirit and low staff morale.  Many workers end up with PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Others quit, or even relocate. In a nutshell If you work under or with a narcissist, your work life might be described as a living hell

 (6) Digital narcissism:

In today’s age, narcissism has increasingly permeated into social networking, blurring the lines between private and public space and thus negatively affecting  Nigerian society.

With the rise of technology, this idea of private and public is almost indistinguishable.  It desensitizes the value of communication People become less empathetic.  Builds shallow relationships with artificial friends (Facebook book friend??)

Can you relate to any of these, what where your experiences? Next  article the finale I will discuss ways to curb narcissistic tendencies in us and also how to manage a narcissist in these areas I mentioned when living or moving is not an option…..